When the surprises are good
I have been struggling with how to share this news. I know it will hurt some, which I never wish to do. At the same time, sharing is the only way I can be honest, transparent, and fair to others in this space.
I’m pregnant. Not just a little bit or early pregnant - but 37 weeks and preparing for delivery.
I haven’t been keeping a secret as my clients, partners, and of course friends and family have known for several months. But sharing broadly without being able to tailor the news to the recipient has been something I’ve put off.
I wanted to share not just news but also a reason or an understanding of how and why.
You see, this pregnancy was unexpected. “Spontaneous” or “natural” are some of the common words (though neither really seems right to me) to describe what happened. Essentially, after 9 years of unprotected sex, a miscarriage, six rounds of IVF that resulted in two baby boys, and a 40th birthday - last fall I realized my period was late and I took a (dusty, old, leftover, found in the back of the cabinet) home pregnancy test. It was positive.
There’s a lot I can say about the emotions and the changes this little miracle has brought to our lives already. I will share in the coming months and will do my best to make sure I’m doing so in an empathetic, compassionate, and helpful way.
You may be thinking “what did you do?” or “what do you think made the difference?”. I know I would have been.
This is a large part of the reason I haven’t shared this news broadly yet...I don’t have a “formula” or a specific “thing” to point to. For my past IVF successes - my two boys - I could point to a series of actions: great care team, acupuncture, diet, lifestyle, mindset, and visualization that I think made the difference for me. In this case, a pregnancy wasn’t on the radar. Additional family building was something we had put off making serious decisions about.
There are, though, two things I can share right now as takeaways from this experience:
Hope. When I shared the news with a dear client of mine who has had a tremendous struggle, her response surprised me and provided much clarity. She said, “That is the most hopeful thing I’ve heard all year.” And I think she’s right. There’s no human control that played a part in this baby’s existence - which may come as a relief to some of you who are struggling to control aspects of your journey that are simply uncontrollable. Even in the face of uncertainty, there’s reason to hope and trust that good things will come your way.
Living in abundance. For the last two years, I’ve had the opportunity to follow my passion of walking with other women on their family building journey. I have immersed myself in topics that fascinate me and have met people from so many backgrounds, perspectives, and life experiences. My life will forever be enhanced as a result. While there have been challenges, frustrations, tears, and doubt - there has been much more gratitude, joy, and comfort in knowing I’m exactly where I need to be right now. While I will not pretend to say THIS is why I got pregnant, my hope is that for those of you feeling constant conflict in not having what you want yet, maybe this example can help you consider the things you already have, the abundance with which you currently approach life. Living in a place of abundance - no matter what circumstances - will be more comfortable, peaceful, and allow for clarity in a way that living from a feeling of lack never will.
I’ll be stepping back from client work for the next few months to focus on the new addition.
I’ve also posted a new page on my website listing some of my favorite resources. And, if you’re interested in working with a fertility coach in the next couple of months, please contact me for a list of some I’m glad to refer to.
I expect to be back to working with clients by the Fall.
In the meantime, I am sending you hope for your family, joy in your heart, and peace in your days.